| Singer | Jon Reddick |
| Singer | Jon Reddick, John Jaszcz |
| Music | Church of the City |
| Song Writer | Jon Reddick |
Life is weird. This is my struggle. In my last post, I updated…kinda. Essentially in that month, I have asked for it is strange how normal it is. Our lives are the same. Now to be fair, it is not up yet. He may yet ask for a divorce at the end, which I am fine with. The big goal is that HE calls it not me, so it cannot be thrown back in my face like a pie “Your mom wanted a divorce” (like he had no input in it).
I realize this paints him in a not-so-good light. He really is not a bad guy. It seems most of our relationship breaks are down to “This is what you wanted” when the reality is that he was living with another girl at one point. Still, he signed the paper because “I wanted him to,” as I could not sit there hurting while he could not make up his mind between him and his girlfriend. It plays into people leaving him.
Alternately, it gave me a chance to readjust to this new information. It gives me a chance to clear my head, so it is not a knee-jerk reaction. Life is not different still.
There is a weird peace in my family that throws me off. We still text most nights, and weekends are spent on family outings. We were told twice what a great family we were during the first weekend. We spent a lot of time laughing and playing. After that, the time seemed too short. I found myself still thankful that he was the one that I made this family with. He still makes me laugh. He is still my friend. I just do not have any wish for us to be together because I will not be enough for him. I deserve to be enough no matter what life throws at us. I am not just a fish waiting on a hook to see if there is a better option.
Well, I took myself off the hook. It frees me up to focus on what’s next for me. I am not sure if he realizes it yet. I am not mad; I am not cold. I am simply embracing that I do care about him and always will. I picked him to start a family with. He still makes me laugh and feel better.
Once upon a time, we broke up. I was heartbroken. Do you know who comforted me after? Him. It helped. When we separated, I did not talk to him for a year. It was strange. At that time, I did not miss my husband. Yet, I wanted to tell my friend when something good happened or bad. When the kids did something cute, I wanted to tell him. It was the platonic kind of love that I desired. However, it always turned back. It was annoying.
So now I am sitting here enjoying my friend, enjoying my family. I am okay. I am happy.
Here comes the song. It played on the radio when I was at work.
It got me thinking. I know God is at work. I know he is working. I know he can do whatever he wants. He is God in this case. God can make all things new. God can turn dust into a man. I have left this relationship in his hands for a while.
When I heard the song, I realized I did not even know what it could even look like to turn it around. The trust is gone, and he has shown more times than he can easily turn away. This time he had no visible feeling behind it. There was not even an acknowledgment. All I got was, “It seems your mind is set. What do you want to do?”. It seems that life is simply what happens to him, even if he played a key role in getting there.
So, what does turn it around mean? Would I even recognize it?
Until then…I can be found here in the space below. I will be enjoying my family and my job. Who knows when the storm will hit, so I will enjoy this…
Verse 1:
I’m praying for God to come
And turn this thing around
God turn it around
God turn it around
God turn it around
Verse 2:
I’m calling on the name
That changes everything
God turn it around
God turn it around
God turn it around
Chorus:
All of my hope
Is in the name
The name of Jesus
Breakthrough will come
Come in the name
The name of Jesus
Verse 1:
I’m praying for God to come
And turn this thing around
God turn it around
God turn it around
God turn it around
Verse 2:
I’m calling on the name
That changes everything
God turn it around
God turn it around
God turn it around
Chorus:
Cause’ all of my hope
Is in the name
The name of Jesus
Breakthrough will come
Come in the name
The name of Jesus
Refrain:
God turn it around
God turn it around
God turn it around
Bridge:
He is healing someone
He is saving someone
God is doing something
Right now
Right now
He is moving mountains
Making a way for someone
God is doing something
Right now
Right now
Chorus:
All of my hope
Is in the name
The name of Jesus
Breakthrough will come
Come in the name
The name of Jesus
Refrain:
God turn it around
Turn it around oh
Oh
Refrain:
God turn it around
Turn it around
Turn it around
MsMollyC 